we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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