So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
