I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
