I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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