If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
should my penis look like a turkey
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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