I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize