Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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