All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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