he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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