so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
