please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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