I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize