I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
