also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
