he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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