the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
