READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
