paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My brain says no but my pants say off.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
