So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
