If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
