Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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