Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
