my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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