Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
