Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
