She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
