trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize