I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
