Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
