She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
