so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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