How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize