U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
