At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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