Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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