yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
