dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
