I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
