He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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