I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
