im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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