This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
