He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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