hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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