Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
