oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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