There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
