The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
