In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
