look no pants
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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