I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
