so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
