you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
