You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize