Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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