I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
