Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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