i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
