It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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