Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
