shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
