I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
