Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
