you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
