Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
