last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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