Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
