just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
