Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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