i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
