RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
