elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
