I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
