At least make sure they are 18
Why
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
