I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
