Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize