Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
