Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently you make a good broom.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
