I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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