I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
