Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
