I will die if light touches me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
