Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
