I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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