how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Let's paint friendship bongs
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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