Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
