My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
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You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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