Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
