Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
