im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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