so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
