totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
