i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize