Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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