Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
